The Santa Clause 3: I Love Martin Short

My brother has been whinging to go see a movie lately, so my mother finally gave in and took us to one. (I'm telling you, he's so spoiled from the summer--all those glorious free movie tickets from drinking Pepsi!) Ben wanted to see the James Bond movie, and my mother wanted to see Stranger Than Fiction. For some reason, they looked to me to decide what movie we would go see.



With a glint in my eye, I made my choice: The Santa Clause 3: The Escape Clause.

Ben actually went along with it pretty well. He immediately recognized my idea (go see the movie for :laffo: purposes), though he was unaware of my deep, underlying desire to see Martin Short on the big screen. Ohhh, Martin Short. Ever since The Three Amigos, I've had this fantasy..

Anyways, so we went. I was surprised that we weren't the only people in the theater. There were about 8 other families, and these two mentally challenged men who sat in the front row. Okay, I'm sorry..I laughed when I heard and saw them walk in. I'm mean, I know. I'm not laughing at them, I'm laughing at the fact that these two grown men bought tickets together to see The Santa Clause 3, and when they bought the tickets, one of the men actually asked what time the movie would end. Durrr.



Also, Ben had to leave the theater twice to piss. I HELD IT. I CONTROLLED MYSELF. He always rags on me when I have to piss before bed, but he just..TWICE.

Okay, the movie. It was bad. The ending pissed me off. Curing Jack Frost's insane evil with a "warm hug" from a little girl? What the fuck? During the entire movie, Jack Frost basically destroyed the North Pole; setting it on fire (!!), freezing up the machines, making things explode (!), and almost making Mrs. Santa divorce Mr. Santa. Seriously, he pitted her in-laws against Santa. He was damn evil. Then he froze some people, uh..took over the job as Santa, turned the North Pole into a resort..



And this was all cured by a little girl giving him a hug?! I really doubt it. Really. Really really really. Because why would a hug do the trick? He is really close to people throughout the movie--wouldn't their body heat also melt his "frozen heart"? No sense.

I guess I'm just bitter that once he was thawed, he looked old. When he was Jack Frost, he had this awesome spiked up hair, this great blue suit, and this amazing attitude problem. Then he was thawed..and his hair turned brown and flat. I was appalled. During the movie, it was just me fantasizing about marrying Jack Frost. Suddenly, it was me thinking, "What the Christ, he looks like a total minger." They made him look like a MINGER! DAMN. He kept asking different people throughout the movie to be his "elf." Heh. Oh Jack. Annnnything for y--what the christ, minger.

Then the movie had a second "touching" ending, with the Clauses showing off their baby, "Buddy." Buddy?! Yeah, The Santa Clause 4: Buddy Does Heroin. Buddy Drinks Faygo And Listens To ICP. Ughhhh.



Highlights of the movie:

o Jack Frost causing trouble--because evil guys are hot.
o Jack Frost singing during his little North Pole Broadway show.
o Jack Frost basically creaming his pants while Ann Margret sings the "Jack Frost nipping at your nose" line over and over at him.

The movie? 3/10.
Jack Frost? 10/10
Jack Frost after his meltdown? UGH 0/10